This post was published on The Huffington Post.
Remember those Johnson and Johnson commercials from a few years ago? Well, they’re right.
I knew that once I got pregnant I would have to prepare myself for some major changes; a healthier diet, saving more money, etc. I even acknowledged the fact that my friendships would be affected in some way (my own best friend suggested I look for new “mommy friends”). It’s overwhelming enough to experience the changes that come with having a baby but realizing that our relationships will change too is one that most new moms don’t want to worry about.
But they do and they will. I realized very quickly that there’s a huge divide between moms and non-moms. And just like I experienced changes in my friendships after I got married (turns out things change between your friends when you get hitched, too), I was prepared for them after getting pregnant. But facing the changes that would affect my marriage…. let’s just say that I, like most women, was in denial.
But my husband and I wanted to start our family more than anything so of course, once we had our baby we would be running through fields of lavender, right? Not necessarily.
During my pregnancy I told myself that I wouldn’t become one of those parents that has to schedule date nights or worst, sex, as a result of being a sleep-deprived new parent. But just last night, through my I’m-a-new-mom-I-can’t-remember-the last-time-I-took-a-shower induced stress I begged him to take me out on a date so I could have something to look forward to outside of a night spent with a wailing newborn (and a reason to wear a bra again, oh yeah, and a shower!)
When my husband gets home from work and asks me what I’ve done all day, I want to throw a dirty diaper at his head. When he complains that the baby disturbs his sleep at night, I want to permanently send him to the couch and when he makes fun of me for feeling guilty about leaving the baby for a few hours, I feel like he just doesn’t understand. But then something sweet happens. We’ll go out, to try and have somewhat of a social life, and all we can do is talk about the baby. We’ve become those parents. It feels good.
Having a baby definitely means changing your priorities but my husband and I have each others’ backs now more than ever. He defends my choice not to breastfeed. I listen to his reasons on why we should co-sleep. When he gets home from work he takes over parenting duties so I can get some much-needed relief. We’re a team. I never get tired of watching her as she sleeps and giving my husband a nudge to look at the beautiful little baby we created together. Or telling her how much she looks like her daddy.
And that’s how relationships change after you have a baby. You can choose to fall in love again or you can let the stresses of parenthood pull you apart. We’re creating the family we’ve always wanted. If that means skipping a shower here and there or losing a few hours of sleep, it’s all worth it.
Photo Credit: Corbis Images
Shannon Peterson
June 16, 2025 at 4:32 pm (11 months ago)Yes! Having a baby literally changes everything about everything, so much more so than people even prepare you for! I love being a mom but sometimes its still hard to adjust to life now!
Angelica
June 16, 2025 at 5:49 pm (11 months ago)I’m with you, Shannon. Babies turn your world upside down…and then shake it!
Kat
June 16, 2025 at 6:49 pm (11 months ago)Girl I’m with you! It’s awful! The worst is when you are sleep deprived and look and feel like hell and they tell you “they grow up so fast, enjoy it.” Makes me want to smack someone. It sucks for us with no family or anyone we can trust to babysit. Once I got a few hours break when she started preschool was when it finally started to get better. So worth the money! Love that hubs didn’t give you trouble for not breastfeeding. You wouldn’t believe the backlash I faced from strangers for not wanting to. Even in the hospital! My husband eventually let it go, but being crazy about natural and organic stuff I know it hurt him a little. In the end a happy mommy is more important. 🙂
Angelica
June 16, 2025 at 7:11 pm (11 months ago)Hahahaha, ooops- I’m becoming one of those parents now that urges others to enjoy it. And yes, thankfully my DH was very supportive which I needed at the time because I was soooo sensitive to everything! Happy mom, happy baby 🙂
Paris (My Big Fat Happy Life)
June 17, 2025 at 1:29 pm (11 months ago)Yes, a baby changes everything! Having a supportive husband makes a world of difference. Enjoy every moment because each stage has it’s rewards and challenges.
Angelica
June 18, 2025 at 1:10 pm (11 months ago)Oh, the challenges! Toddlers!
CourtneyLynne
June 17, 2025 at 2:58 pm (11 months ago)Hehehe omg yes it does!!! My life is completely different now!
Mayra
June 17, 2025 at 11:20 pm (11 months ago)Yes having a baby definitely changes everything and I would think maybe as they get a little older it would get easier. Nope, not easier life is still upside down, but I have learned to love it and enjoy it. Before I know it they will be off on their own and I will be that mom with the ugly sobs.
Angelica
June 18, 2025 at 1:17 pm (11 months ago)“ugly sobs” LOL I think I’m that mom now!
Camesha | Mama Motivator
June 19, 2025 at 2:51 am (11 months ago)It’s definitely worth it. Having kids brought my husband and I closer too. We’re a team and it feels awesome!
Angelica
June 24, 2025 at 7:15 pm (10 months ago)Camesha, congrats on being part of the dream team! You are very lucky 🙂
eliz frank
June 19, 2025 at 11:15 am (11 months ago)True.. it does force us to reevaluate our relationships and how they impact our lives. That said, the joy of motherhood remains one of my greatest experiences.
Angelica
June 24, 2025 at 7:16 pm (10 months ago)I agree. It’s one of my greatest joys too.
Miranda (Myrabev)
June 21, 2025 at 6:25 pm (11 months ago)I can only imagine since I am not there yet but I believe that if both parties are a team and willing to work together I think a lot can be achieved.
Angelica
June 24, 2025 at 7:17 pm (10 months ago)Yes!