The days following my second daughter’s birth were drastically different than with my first baby. When Olivia was born, we barely had guests over. I stayed in my little post-baby cocoon nursing and sleeping whenever I could. When friends and family offered to come by and help, I would shyly tell them that I was OK. My father-in-law flew in from Europe and stayed with us so he could meet his new granddaughter and aside from the language barrier, I was too proud to ask for help, even when he was right there. I’m not so proud any more. The second time around, I took all the help I could get!
Shortly after Julia’s birth, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law came by and I couldn’t have been more grateful. My SIL brought a huge box of diapers and my MIL came with a week’s worth of groceries. She brought meats and cheeses, yogurts and juices, and she prepared a huge pot of tomato soup that she said would help me nurse because of the stewey broth. My husband played sous chef so he could learn how to make it and it was delicious. When the baby slept, she encouraged me to lie down, even though Olivia was running around and needed to be looked after. She spent the night and it was great having someone look over the baby while I got to steal some zzz’s. I didn’t hesitate for one minute, stepping aside and having someone else take over. My body needed the rest, my mind needed the rest and I wasn’t going to deny myself this heavenly little luxury. Those first few post-natal months were full of constant visitors who wanted to meet the latest addition to our family and help out in whatever ways they could. My home was an open door.
Having someone swoop in and take over isn’t practical for most of us; we want to make sure our homes are nice and tidy (especially when a MIL drops in) and it takes a huge part on our ego to give someone the reins to our home, but if there’s something I’ve learned that’s crucial to growing a family is that it really does take a village. I look back at that time and am so grateful for the help. It may not have mattered much to them but it was a life-saver for me during a stressful time.
So, if the next time you’re about to visit a new mom, sure, bring a gift for baby, but don’t forget the value in offering to help with other things too. Maybe you can take a toddler off mom and dad’s hands for a few hours or bring her a meal she can share with her family. Don’t let the pile of dishes scare you away either. Roll up your sleeves and help a sister out. And moms: don’t be so proud that you don’t take the help!
What’s the best gift you received as a new mom?
Paris (My Big Fat Happy Life)
April 14, 2025 at 2:15 pm (3 weeks ago)I agree with you! I think some of the best gifts for a new mom is bringing over dinner and helping clean up around the house. Not only is new mom tired, but she also wants to snuggle and connect with her newest addition.
Angelica
April 14, 2025 at 4:53 pm (3 weeks ago)Yes! I was so grateful when guests would bring food over to the house. Less cooking for me
Kara
April 14, 2025 at 2:25 pm (3 weeks ago)This is such great advise. I wish I would have let more people help me when I had my daughter. I did have some meals delivered but I wish I would have let go of the little things around me and spent more time just being a new mom, but I too had it in my mind that I needed to do it all.
Angelica
April 14, 2025 at 4:55 pm (3 weeks ago)Hindsight is 20/20, right? I felt the same way, Kara. We are not Superwoman though. For the second baby, treat yourself and let your loved ones spoil you!
Mommy's Kitchen
April 18, 2025 at 6:36 am (2 weeks ago)I understand completely,I always wish I had some extar help when my kids were younger. I loved your post!
Angelica
April 19, 2025 at 12:50 am (2 weeks ago)Extra help is a beautiful thing. Thanks for visiting!
Scott
April 24, 2025 at 2:26 pm (1 week ago)My wife received ‘coupons’ for babysitting so she could have some quiet time when she needed it. She said it was the best gift ever.
Angelica
April 24, 2025 at 2:30 pm (1 week ago)Nice! I didn’t exactly get coupons but I sure regret not taking friends up on their offers to babysit!!
Charlotte
April 24, 2025 at 2:44 pm (1 week ago)Now this is something I can do when my SiL has a baby! It’s good to know that it is not always about gifts. Great advice! x
Angelica
April 24, 2025 at 2:55 pm (1 week ago)Please do, Charlotte! Your SIL will sing your praises. Gifts are lovely, but rest and a little help are PRICELESS!
Jessica Dimas
April 29, 2025 at 2:12 am (4 days ago)Oh my gosh, YES YES YES to all of this! I was the same way after my first baby, and then totally and shamelessly took the help the second time around. Your MIL sounds like mine; she brought tons of groceries and cooked me soup. The made huge bowls of cut up fruit and played with my toddler, mopped my floors and washed our clothes. It was freakin amazing! I made a mental note to remember to do the same for my friends and also for my future daughter-in-laws….they want the help even if they pretend they don’t!
Angelica
April 29, 2025 at 1:14 pm (4 days ago)I know right! Thank God for mother-in-laws. I’ve also made a mental note to give my friends the MIL treatment when they have babies.